Unless you have it, forget everything you think you know about depression. It's not what you think (it's worse), and it has little to do with current events. read this page, then we'll talk.
http://www.depression.com/
It is a beautifull sunny day. I recently returned from a wonderfull visit with my best friend, in Denver. My best friend here in Cookeville is losing his struggle with diabeties. I have a million things I could be blogging about. But I haven't written a word in months. I have a passion for books (a library numbering in the thousands now), and yet I haven't been to my favorite bookstore-NEW CENTURY BOOKS AND GOODS-in months . This is the face of depression.
It is caused by changes in brain chemistry. It has nothing to do with how I feel. What my attitude is. Very little with what happened that day. An event can trigger depression, ofcourse. But that is event based depression. What we are talking about is chronic depression, and it is a completely different beast. We ain't talking about singing the blues.
There are days when it takes everything I can muster to even get out of bed. There are days that I don't. There are days when I don't leave this room, except to pee. I avoid conversation. I don't eat. Personal grooming becomes an insurmountable task. I have the attension span of a gerbal. Nothing matters, and what if it did? I SLEEP. Sometimes for as much as 14 hours at a time. This is chronic depression.
Imagine how you would feel if the person you cherrish the most died. Now. Multiply that pain by 100, and have it last for days. Weeks. Months. Now you begin to understand what chronic depression suffers deal with..live with. It manifests itself in different ways. In me it either manifests itself in anger, or a total lack of interest in..anything. NOT my family. Not my friends. Not my blogs, my books, nothing. I am living in the grey. And my only lifeline is my meds. (40MG fluoxetine)
I take it every morning. And it allows me to funtion. To feel. To not be wrapped in cotton.Remote. SO!!! I am going to try to get back up to speed here in cyberspace. And I hope some JOE fans will be glad to hear from me.
