LET IT BE

I'll never forget the very first time I saw her. All the inlaws, and outlaws pressed against the glass. They were cooing, oohing, and tapping on the window, trying to get her attension. She just lay there with her little eyes shut, and her tiny little fists balled up on either side of her head. When I came in the room they parted like the Red sea (thinking because I lived with Lori at the time that I was naturally the father.) I walked up to the glass, and in a musical voice said. "kacy girl...." Those little eyes popped open, and she came fully awake! "Oooooohh." You could have heard a pin drop, and all eyes were on us. We have been inseperable ever since. I may not have contributed to her DNA, but I have always been kacy's daddy.

She was always a happy baby. No trouble at all. She was calling me daddy almost as soon as she could talk. I was there for her first steps. I changed most of her diapers, bathed her. helped her learn to read. It was so funny when she was a toddler her mom would go to work, and kacy would say "Bye bye momie" but when ever I would try to go somewhere it would break her heart..." Noooo!!! Dadee!!! Noooo I don't want you to gooo!!!" Her mother would have to pry her off my leg sometimes before I could leave the house. Definitely a Daddy's girl.

I got in church. I quit everything. Even smoking cigarettes. I wanted to be a good example for little eyes. Mommy was not so inclined. She was a pothead. She had to have her pot everyday. I mean every day. Any of these people that tell you pot is harmless, that it's not addictive, are full of crap. It IS dangerous. And yes, it is mentally addictive. I saw Kacy's mom spend Christmas present money..$450. On a bag of dope on Christmas eve. SHE BOUGHT HER DAUGHTERS NOTHING. I don't want to hear any garbage about legalizing marijuana. So I got kicked out of her trailer. I wasn't any fun anymore. Funny Kacy felt the same way about her.

I stayed as close as I could. Saw my girls as often as she would let me. I finally talked Lori into letting me stay weekends to watch the kids so she could work nights.(and party,and blow all her money on drugs) Things went from bad to worse. She eventually found her way into the meth croud. Kacy, and her sister's lives became hell. An endless series of losers in their home sucking up all the resourses, while they went without. I kept them fed as best I could, and ran off as much of the riff raff as I could get away with. I called children's services on her once, but nothing came of it.

One by one she lost all of her utilities. The cable first, then the phone, eventually the electricity. I gave her the money to catch that up. She bought pot. She got way behind on her trailer payments. I gave her $2400. out of my 401k to catch up her mortgage..She bought a pound of pot. SHE LOST HER TRAILER, AND IT WAS A NEW DAY!! I told her flat out I can take in the kids here ,but there ain't enough room for you. So thats how it was for awhile. She would come by,and take them to school, and back home. The rest of the time they stayed with me. There little lives...(oh God!!...I'm crying here...) ok.... There little lives became my life. I was so happy!!! I had my babies. Her visits became farther, and farther apart, and one day she just left town....and vannished.

Mackenzie's "real dad." Finally decided he wanted to take little mack, and there was nothing I could do. It broke our hearts. But Kacy, and I soldiered on. Years passed. I went to court, and had Lori's parental right terminated for dersertion. I was granted total custody, and was the happiest man on earth!!! I had the world by the tail. I was officially her daddy We had a great life..I thought.

I'm still trying to figure out exactly what happened. where I lost control. Kacy turned 13,and things started going down hill. She became sullen, argumentative. It's just her being a teenager every body said. Relax she'll be ok. She became rebellious. She quit going to church. She quit doing anything with me. I tried everything. Nothing worked.....She started getting in trouble with the law.

It started out with fights on the school bus. I went to court twice with her for that. Then she started running away. She got put on probation, and ran away twice more. The last time we went to court.(the 5th time) The judge put her in a group home for 9 months, to a year. my baby was gone.

She ran away from there too. That ended it. The judge put her in state's custody.She was supposed to be there until she was 18, but a month or so ago she managed to get herself put into foster care. It was with a friend of mine's mother, and was supposed to mean unlimited contact for me. That didn't happen. I mannaged to see her a grand total of twice at church. I'm not sure why. But in the process of all this Kacy's biological father has stepped up to the plate.

SO. She is going to east Tennessee to live with him, his wife, and her brothers, and sisters. This will be wonderfull for her. It will heal her, and quwell her feelings of abandonment. She will have the chance to get to know her father, and siblings. She will have a real home, and family. I rejoice for her in this. I endorse, and support it with all my heart. This is a good thing.

She came here today while I was at work, with him, and gathered a bunch of her clothes. She left me a casual note. I am the past. He is the future.

My sweet Kacy girl...I love you with all my heart, and soul. I did the best I could. I want you to be happy. This hurts me more than I can possibly tell you. But go in peace, with my blessings. I would fight this with all of my being if you wanted me to. But you don't. So go my little one. Be with your family. Be happy.

LET IT BE....